Someone's Prayer
by Krys1
Summary: Abby recieves devastating news that will forever change her life... (FINAL CHAPTER UPLOADED!)
1. Someone's Prayer

TITLE: Someone's Prayer AUTHOR: Cristallo E-MAIL: cristallo16@msn.com CATEGORY: AL/JC RATING: PG-13 SPOILERS: season eight AUTHOR'S NOTES: This fanfic is based on the song "Black Balloon" by the Goo Goo Dolls. While I was listening to it I got the idea for this. It plays throughout the fanfic. It takes place during the eighth season. Oh yes, and Dave Malucci came back. It's my first so please e-mail me and tell me what you think. SUMMARY: Abby receives devastating news that will forever change her life. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
(Part 1)  
  
The melody drifted into the bedroom, causing Abby to open her eyes. Not that she had been sleeping, but she was enjoying the quietness that she would never get working in the ER. The new neighbors must have trouble sleeping again, Abby thought. At least it's better than screaming. She had finally moved back in after Brian left, and was relieved that someone had taken his apartment. That way, he could never come back into her life.  
  
As Abby was beginning to relive awful memories, the music disappeared. All that was left now was silence. She sighed and made her way into the living room. As she turned on her stereo and played the same song, the heavens opened up and it began to pour. Abby watched it and waited. Waited for a sense of peace which would never come.  
  
"We've got four majors coming in and there's over ten minors waiting for medical attention! Let's move it people!" Dr. Weaver yelled over the intercom. There was no need for it; her voice alone was enough to get people scurrying about frantically around the nurses' station.  
  
"Yes SIR! Right away SIR!" Dr. Malucci saluted. Somehow he managed to keep a straight face while everyone else suppressed giggles.  
  
Weaver whipped around and fiercely glared at him. She pointed her finger while speaking through clenched teeth. "You're walking a fine line as it is Malucci! Don't screw up your second chance here!" Without another word she walked away.  
  
Just then, Abby walked through the emergency entrance wearily. "Hey everyone," she sighed while sipping her espresso. She was so tired that she had relented to buy an espresso rather than her usual cup of coffee at Doc Magoos.  
  
"Hey Abby, how you doin'?" Malucci greeted warmly as she made her way over to the desk. As he asked that, Carter and Susan walked out of the lounge together, talking and laughing. A hint of jealously had begun to show evidently on her expression, but quickly managed to conceal it. She instead forced a smile in Malucci's direction. "Oh, I'm good. And you?" Abby replied politely. Already the day was turning into another bad one, and she was determined not to let that happen. After all, tonight was the annual Cooks County Hospital charity ball. It was a formal event where all the proceeds went to the children's ward. Going to it was the last thing she had wanted, but since it was for charity she agreed to make an appearance. She was trying to determine what to wear while Malucci answered her question.  
  
"Abby?" Malucci snapped her out of her momentary trance. "You okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry. Drifted off." She murmured while glancing at the board. "We have four majors coming in?"  
  
Malucci also looked at the board and nodded. "Yep, and only eight AM. Oh yeah, who can forget Weaver's on a warpath as always."  
  
Abby chucked in amusement. "What else is new?" She thought aloud. As she headed into the lounge, she wished she hadn't come to work today. It was turning out to be one of those days. A day where she actually wanted to disappear. 


	2. Someone's Prayer

(Part 2)  
  
7:50 PM. Yes! Abby thought while staring at the clock hanging on the wall. Only ten more minutes left! Abby had been stuck working a twelve-hour shift with Gallant, Malucci, and Weaver while everyone else only had six-hour shifts. The ball was going to start in only forty minutes, which barely gave her time to go home and get ready. Already the three of them had gotten on her nerves with Gallant and his over-confidence, Malucci's sexist jokes which weren't funny in the least, and Weaver being, well, Weaver. On top of all that, there wasn't much to do. Everything had calmed down a few hours ago once it started to rain, leaving it a slow night. So here Abby was, reviewing past charts and filing countless piles of paperwork.  
  
7:52 PM. "Abby, may I speak to you for a few minutes? It's important." Weaver interrupted Abby's work. Weaver overheard her groan a little.  
  
"Sure. What's up?" Abby replied while making her way over.  
  
"Well, I can't help but notice you've been lacking in your work lately; distracted one could say. Is anything going on that you wanted to talk about? Perhaps I can help even. I understand about bipolar disorder and what you must be going through with your mother."  
  
Images of her childhood, Maggie, Richard, Luka, and Carter all flashed before her. These were not memories that she wanted to talk about. Abby closed her eyes for a moment so as not to let on that she was upset. "I'm fine. Really. There is nothing to worry about. I'm sorry I've been lacking; I'll do better. Is that all?"  
  
A few moments passed. "Yes, that's all." Weaver's expression revealed that she didn't believe her, but left the subject alone nonetheless. As she walked off, Abby glanced at her watch.  
  
7:57 PM. Three more minutes. Abby noted. She began to continue reviewing and filing when the emergency radio called in.  
  
"County General." She answered. A voice answered, but it was not understandable through all the static. "County General! Who is this?" she tried again, a little louder.  
  
"Is anyone there?" Someone asked frantically. Then static consumed the voice and the radio went dead.  
  
"What's going on?" Malucci rushed over to where Abby held the receiver in her hand.  
  
"I have no idea. I think someone was calling for help," she mumbled while trying to fix the radio.  
  
"Must be the storm. It's really kicking out there." Malucci turned on the back-up one and proceeded to flip through the channels.  
  
"Yeah, kind of makes me wonder why I ever moved to Chicago of all places," she laughed, attempting to lighten up the situation.  
  
"Yeah, 'of all places'." He quoted her with a grin. Just then, a voice was heard.  
  
"Is anyone there? Hello?" it repeated.  
  
At this moment, Gallant arrived at the nurses' station. "Here, let me try," he told Malucci, who stepped aside and handed the receiver to him.  
  
"This is Cooks County General, over. 2 o'hundred hours, over. Do you read me, over. " Gallant called out into the receiver. Abby couldn't help but smile at his military talk.  
  
After some more static the person on the other end replied. "Yes, we read you. This is ambulance 108. We've got a young girl- six years of age- with acute lymphocytic leukemia. She's been severely beaten and stabbed once in the lower vertebrae. We've managed to stabilize her but we don't know for how much longer. We'll be arriving there in 3.2. 1." There was a click and the line was silent.  
  
Silence filled the room for a short-lived moment. Realizing she wouldn't be off anytime soon, Abby took one last look at the clock and thought, the calm before the storm.  
  
The decorations hanging high above in the foyer of the banquet hall held such splendor that it made Susan, Luka, Elizabeth, Mark, Deb, and the rest of the staff at the hospital stop and marvel. None of it was impressing to Carter, though. He had grown up around all this, being a Carter family member. But he neglected to tell everyone that his family owned the hall.  
  
As they continued to make their way inside, the sounds of laughter and music filled the air. The song playing caught his attention and he listened to the lyrics as if they spoke to him.  
  
Baby's black balloon makes her fly I almost fell into that hole in your life And you're not thinking about tomorrow 'Cause you were the same as me But on your knees  
  
Abby instantly appeared in his mind. Everyone has a balloon that makes them fly, or rather everyone has something that they live for. But Abby's balloon was black; her life was pain-filled and dark. A darkness that caused her to shut people out. And he was shut out so many times that he was falling into that hole she created. They were the same; they both used alcohol as fallout. But she was going deeper and deeper into the darkness.  
  
A thousand other boys could never reach you How could I have been the one I saw the world spin beneath you And scatter like ice from the spoon That was your womb  
  
How could he have been the one? He still didn't understand. She was with Luka at the time, and had a life with Richard before that. But out of all people, he reached her in a way no one else had. She had had the same effect on him. So it was difficult to see the world spin beneath her and cause her to create that hole of darkness that was her life.  
  
The young girl lay there motionless while death was by her bedside. The doctors and nurses had done everything they could, but there was no chance for survival. The stab wound wasn't even the problem; it wasn't severe. It was her cancer that would claim her life. Although she was in remission years back, it returned and was no longer responding to chemotherapy treatments. Her mother, her only living relative and the one who beat and stabbed her, wasn't a bone marrow match. The leukemia had reached its final stage, thus leaving liver and kidney failure. The young girl named Emma would be gone, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.  
  
For some unexplainable reason, Abby felt a connection to Emma. Standing by her there in the intensive care pediatrics ward, checking her vitals, she came to the realization that this girl reminded her a lot of herself. One Thanksgiving, Maggie had discovered Abby went to see her father and chased her around the house with a knife. Although she was never hurt, it scarred her. She was also beaten like the girl by Brian. And the last thing, the thing that really got to her, was that Emma would have been around the same age more or less of her aborted baby if she had kept it.  
  
While unwanted memories once again invaded Abby's mind, the girl awoke from her deep slumber.  
  
"Are you an angel?" Emma asked Abby, who could see a mixture of innocence and hope in her blue eyes.  
  
"No, I'm not." Abby whispered honestly. "I'm a nurse. You've been brought into a hospital. We're going to take good care of you so you just go back to sleep, okay?"  
  
"They're the same thing," Emma replied, yawning.  
  
"What is?"  
  
"Nurses and angels." She said before falling back to sleep and dreaming of a sky that was the same perfect hue of her eyes.  
  
As Abby watched the girl dream and slip away from the world at the same time, she wondered why life was the way it was. So Abby did something she had not done in what seemed like forever: she prayed.  
  
Comin' down the world turned over And angels fall without you there And I go on as you get colder Or are you Someone's Prayer? 


	3. Someone's Prayer

(Part 3)  
  
ONE MONTH LATER *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Love is not blind- it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less." ~Rabbi Julius Gordon  
  
The icy night wind blasted through the door which led to the hospital rooftop. Abby moved backwards, taken back by the sudden rush. It was supposed to be spring, a season of life and new beginnings, but in Chicago it felt more like the dead of winter. The air had a bite to it. Once she had made her way past the door, she breathed a sigh of relief. She was alone. Now no one could see her cry. As she moved closer to the ledge and looked at over the city she had called home for the past few years, she was dimly aware of the shadow that had followed her here.  
  
"Jonathon Carter, I presume?" Abby said into the darkness, not turning to face him. She wouldn't have him see her like this; couldn't.  
  
"You presumed correctly," Carter answered good-naturedly. The shadow moved closer to her. "At least you didn't use my middle name; I don't know if I would ever forgive you for that." He was trying too hard; they both knew that.  
  
After silence on Abby's part, Carter continued. "Hey, you're not going to jump now, are you? 'Cause believe me, it's been attempted before and it wasn't pretty down in the ER." he trailed off, realizing Abby had tensed up. It dawned on him that he wasn't exactly helping the situation.  
  
After an uncomfortable silence between them, Carter dared to speak again. This time, all hints of light-heartedness was gone, replaced by deep concern. He wanted to tell her that he's there for her; that he could really make a difference if she'd let him past the façade. That their friendship meant more to him than she'd ever know. But instead he only said two simple words.  
  
"You OK?"  
  
It was a few moments before Abby turned around to look at Carter. He could feel her search his face for something, although he couldn't figure out what.  
  
"I'm fine Dr. Carter," she replied coolly before stealing one last glimpse at the starry sky and walking back to the emergency room.  
  
This was too much. She couldn't handle this; not now. Why did everything in her life have to be so damn messed up? Why her? Abby walked briskly down a large corridor. As a million other unanswered questions and emotions flooded her mind, she was relieved to find the room she was looking for.  
  
"Are you sure?" Abby asked, but already knowing of the answer.  
  
"Yes. Positive." The young female doctor answered calmly, confirming Abby's fears. "Do you have any questions Ms. Lockhart?"  
  
Abby shook her head. She knew all she needed to know. Knowing any more would just be even more overwhelming. She chided herself for not being stronger.  
  
"Well, be sure to call me if you need anything," the doctor led Abby out into the quiet hall. "Oh, and Ms. Lockhart? I really am sorry."  
  
"Thanks," Abby mumbled before turning to leave, unsure where she would go from here. 


	4. Someone's Prayer

(Part 4)  
  
"We've all cried. Sometimes that's all we can do."  
  
Abby remembered her words to Nicole from the past. Here she was in her apartment, crying. Here she was, unable to do anything but cry. She became a nurse to make a difference; to save others. But how could she save others if she could not even save herself?  
  
Abby walked into the bathroom and picked up the bottle of aspirin on the counter around the sink. She considered what to do next. As she was contemplating her life, the magazine lying next to her make-up grabbed her attention. She could have sworn she had left it on the beauty secrets page, but it was on some literature page. One quote in general stood out. It read: The road to a friend's house is never long. -Danish proverb.  
  
The road to a friend's house is never long. Abby repeated in her mind as she dropped the bottle on the floor and ran out of the bathroom.  
  
The doorbell rang several times, all in a row. Whoever it was, they were robbing Carter of his sleep. He had to work double shifts the next day and was not too pleased with this sudden interruption.  
  
His expression changed however when he saw who was on the other side of the door.  
  
"Abby? What's wrong?" Carter asked the weary-looking woman, his voice heavy with fear and concern.  
  
Abby didn't answer. She couldn't. If she had, the crying would start again, and she wasn't sure if she'd be able to stop this time.  
  
Before he knew what he was doing, Carter reached out and pulled her into an embrace. He felt her breaking down and sobbing against his shoulder. Everything that they had been going through with each other the past months disappeared. There was no longer any distance, and it felt just like old times with their friendship.  
  
After a long time, she finished crying. He had held her the whole time, afraid of letting go. afraid of losing her forever this time. Once the tears stopped, she had left. He didn't ask any questions; she would tell him when ready. He knew something was wrong- something bigger than Luka or Maggie. She had never broken down in front of him like this before. Carter sighed resignedly while shaking his head. All he knew was that he would be there completely.  
  
As Abby walked back to her apartment, she felt much better. Although the problem had not gone away, she was relieved that her friendship with Carter hadn't. It was there. She discovered it always had been.  
  
That night she had fallen asleep; something she wasn't able to do in the longest time. Maybe there was hope after all. Maybe someone or something was looking out for her. Maybe she was apart of someone's prayer. 


	5. Someone's Prayer

(Part 5)  
  
Abby awoke with an uncomfortable feeling. It was hot; too hot. She made her way to her bedroom window and opened it as wide as it would go. The cool air felt good upon her burning body. Why was it so damn hot? Something wasn't right.  
  
Abby walked into the living room with a growing suspicion and picked up the pamphlet the doctor had handed her yesterday. There it was. Under the 'symptoms' headline, there it was. Fever/night sweats. Abby closed her eyes. Oh God. It starts.  
  
Dawn had come. It arrived as a flower blooms; innocent and unknowing of the day ahead. Abby walked to work that morning wondering how the sun could shine so bright when there was something dark lying beneath the surface. At work she encountered suffering and death everyday, and yet the sun had shone down. Yet at times when there was happiness and everyone had forgotten (even if only for a moment) how life really worked, there had been nothing but darkness.  
  
The day was going by quickly, there being only a few traumas and not many people needing medical assistance. A heavy mist had settled upon Chicago in the late afternoon, and by dusk it started to rain.  
  
"Abby," Carter greeted while walking into the medical supply room.  
  
Abby smiled as she looked up from her medicine checklist. "Yes?"  
  
Carter sighed while rubbing his temples. "I need Haldol. This guy in trauma two is schizophrenic."  
  
Abby nodded her head understandingly. If Carter was treating a schizophrenic, it was a bad day. It brought back memories of that fatal Valentine's Day years back. And accompanying those memories, guilt. Abby knew that Carter felt guilty for not saving Lucy, but he was not the one to blame. Paul Sobriki was. The schizophrenic was.  
  
"You can't save everyone Carter." Abby whispered out of nowhere. She knew him all too well, and that included knowing what he was thinking.  
  
"I know." He whispered back solemnly as he turned to leave. Suddenly he turned back around. "Hey Abby, want to go get something to eat later? Believe me- I could use the company after today."  
  
"No thanks, I'm not hungry." She answered while checking back to her list.  
  
"When was the last time you've eaten? I'm serious. You've been losing a lot of weight recently."  
  
"Carter! I'm fine! Nothing is wrong with me." It was a lie, but she felt it was necessary. He had other things on his mind to worry about, and she didn't want to upset him.  
  
"Okay. but if you ever need to talk."  
  
".I'll know where to find you." Abby finished for him. She gave him one last smile as she walked out of the room.  
  
This couldn't be. This just couldn't be. Abby repeated in her mind while shifting through past medical files.  
  
"Hey Frank, did you happen to come across a chart belonging to a girl named Emma? It should be here in last month's files, but it's not." Abby asked the man sitting by the computer.  
  
"I could check the database if you want," he replied. "What's the last name?"  
  
Abby thought for a minute. "Well, I'm not sure."  
  
"Well, what was the date then?"  
  
"March twentieth. The day of the charity ball." She answered matter-of- factly.  
  
Frank typed in the date and waited for the search results. He then scanned all the names. "Emma? No one by the name of Emma was admitted into the hospital that day. Are you sure that's the name?"  
  
Abby's expression showed surprise and confusion. "Are you sure? She came in around eight PM with acute lymphocytic leukemia. Went into trauma one. Check again."  
  
Frank rechecked the list. "No. No 'Emma'. But there's a 'Laura Diane Swanson' who was brought in by ambulance 108 with those symptoms. Says here she was released the next day; parents thought it would be best for her to die at home peacefully."  
  
"Parents?" Abby asked dumbfounded. "That little girl only had a mother, and she couldn't have gone home. Social services would've been called. No one in the right mind should have let that girl go home when her mother stabbed her!" She was yelling now.  
  
"What?" Now it was Frank's turn to be confused. He turned back to the file on the computer and reread it. "Laura was stabbed by a freak accident. A sharp object fell and hit her in the back. Abby, are you okay?"  
  
People around the admit desk and waiting area were starting to stare at her. The room began to spin uncontrollably. She had never experienced vertigo before. Abby ran out of the hospital and into the ambulance bay, desperate for air. Another storm had arrived. She could barely see past the street it was raining so much. The cold pouring rain drenched her hair and clothes in only a few seconds. She stopped to feel the hard drops upon her flushed face. Falling to her hands and knees, she attempted to stop the fatigue. But it could not be stopped. She soon lost feeling as everything was fading to black. Everything faded into oblivion. 


	6. Someone's Prayer

(Part 6)  
  
"The diagnosis is chronic myelogenous leukemia."  
  
Everyone in the trauma room stopped what they were doing and looked up at Dr. Weaver, who had just entered. In her hand there was Abby's chart and the results of tests straight from the lab. The room, once intense and running high with emotions, became dead quiet. No one moved as they waited for the doctor to elaborate further.  
  
Weaver inhaled deeply before continuing. "The CBC and white count revealed an abnormally high amount of white blood cells. Fifty thousand white blood cells per micro liter to be exact. The number of the other white blood cells, eosinophils and basophils, has also increased and immature forms of red blood cells have been found. Abby lost consciousness today due to anemia, which is common in leukemia patients."  
  
Everyone was still silent. It seemed surreal. This couldn't be actually happening. They already lost one member of the staff and friend to cancer, and now it was happening all over again. The resentment, the what-ifs, the heartaches, the never-ending struggle to live, and the outcome always being the same. It was the same cycle all over again, and no one felt strong enough to suffer this ordeal once more.  
  
Unspoken outcomes hung in the air like mist; the mist could become thicker and leave you abandoned in it, unable to see and unable to have a sense of direction where to go. Or it could fade into nothingness, not leaving a single trace. As if you woke up one day and realized it was all a dream. Such were the possible outcomes of Abby's fate; Abby's life.  
  
  
  
"What's the chance of survival?" Someone had asked, breaking the unwritten rule of silence.  
  
"Median survival is four to six years. Yet survival after development of the accelerated phase is usually less than a year, and only a few months after the blastic transition. The chance of survival is. well, you know all this already."  
  
Although the staff knew all this, they needed to hear it again. as if they were mistaken in their medical training and it ends up being that the disease is nothing to worry about and they could all go home and laugh about it tomorrow. But deep inside, everyone knew otherwise.  
  
Carter knew this all too well. It felt like his brother had come back to life and was dying all over again. He had been down this road once, and once was too many times in his opinion. Now he had to go back to that place and somehow survive as well.  
  
The sunlight strewn into the hospital room, quickly spreading its warmth to the bed. Abby felt the warmth even before she opened her eyes. When she did, she instantly noticed the figure resting in a chair next to the bedside. Carter apparently had stayed the night. His shirt and lab coat were wrinkled, his hair tangled, and stubble appeared on his face. Even like that, Abby had to admit he looked good. Carter must have felt her staring at him because his eyes opened at that moment. When he saw she was awake, all remnants of sleep quickly dispersed.  
  
"Good morning." Abby greeted happily. Carter returned the smile.  
  
"You're awake," He noted aloud while rubbing his eyes and yawning.  
  
"You stayed all night?" She asked curiously. He nodded his head. "You didn't have to do that you know."  
  
"I know."  
  
Carter's expression suddenly became cloudy and Abby was unable to tell what he was thinking.  
  
"Did you know?" was all he asked, already knowing of the answer.  
  
Abby looked away from his soft caramel eyes and in a small voice whispered yes.  
  
Carter hung his head down and in an equally small voice asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
Abby still didn't look at him. She sighed, wondering how to put her thoughts into words. "I just couldn't. Not after what you've went through these past years."  
  
Carter suddenly jerked his head up, surprising Abby. She noticed that there were tears forming in his eyes now, and it killed her that she was the one who put them there.  
  
"I could've helped you. I could've saved you-"  
  
"You can't save everyone Carter." Abby repeated her words from yesterday. Yet this time, her voice gave away. Tears were starting to stream down her face. She hated having him to see her like this; she wanted to be strong. But she didn't have enough energy to stop.  
  
Carter stood up and walked over to Abby, putting his arms around her. As she grasped onto him with all her strength, she let everything out. She was hysterical. Carter held her against him, rubbing her back consolingly. As she became lost in the moment-lost in him- she never even noticed his tears falling.  
  
"It's going to be okay." Carter whispered. These words were to not only to comfort Abby, but himself as well. "It's going to be okay." 


	7. Someone's Prayer

(Part 7)  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The song is "There You'll Be" by Faith Hill. The poem mentioned is "Birches" by Robert Frost. All the medical information in this story is all correct. I did my research! LOL. Thanks to everyone for the encouraging feedback. I wouldn't have continued with this if I hadn't received such positive responses! *~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky In my heart there'll always be a place for you, for all my life I'll keep a part of you with me And everywhere I am there you'll be. And everywhere I am there you'll be. There you'll be.  
  
The sun was disappearing over the horizon, leaving the sky painted with golden tinted hues. The calm evening air carried an aroma of lilacs from someplace afar. Someplace where troubles are far behind and everyone will know where to find you. That someplace is where John Carter wants to be. Just like all the ones he's lost along the way. Someplace.  
  
"Hi." A voice whispered, interrupted his reverie. "Thought I'd find you here."  
  
Carter took his gaze away from the view of Chicago on the hospital rooftop and turned around. Before him stood Abby Lockhart- his best friend, his love, his life. The reason he got up in the morning. The reason he was alive. She meant everything to him, and there was a chance she would be gone forever.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Carter asked the fragile woman standing before him. She appeared weary and defeated. He never thought in a million years his life would turn out like this. Not only loosing a brother and good friend to cancer, but the love of his life as well. It was as if she was already gone.  
  
"The specialist says I have only one chance at this point, and that's to get a bone marrow transplant." Abby answered quickly and without feeling, without contemplating the actual meaning. It was better this way; no time to ponder what would happen if she was unable to get the procedure accomplished.  
  
Carter understood what she was doing and instinctively moved closer to her. Before she had time to turn away, he reached out and held her hand in his.  
  
"I want to read you something. It's part of a poem I read a while back." Carter reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper.  
  
"I'd like to get away from earth awhile  
  
And then come back to it and begin over.  
  
May no fate willfully misunderstand me  
  
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away  
  
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:  
  
I don't know where it's likely to go better.  
  
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree  
  
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk  
  
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,  
  
But dipped its top and set me down again.  
  
That would be good both going and coming back.  
  
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches."  
  
As Carter read, he noticed Abby's response. She looked so resigned, and a sense of peace illuminated from within. She had felt the urge to cry as he recited the poem, yet she wasn't sure if she was able to anymore. These past few weeks were all a blur of tears, and the tears faded, replaced by a feeling she couldn't quite explain. The only way to describe it would to say it was a hundred different emotions all mixed together to create one.  
  
Carter couldn't bear to watch Abby suffering. He loved her too much. There was no way he was going to let her go. He folded the poem carefully and placed it into her hand. As he did so, Abby looked up into his deep brown eyes. They were staring at her with such intensity. She was lost for a while, just staring back. And then, it happened. Their lips met in a slow, gentle kiss that sent chills up and down her spine. It was so soft, yet there was a passion to it. It felt so natural. so right. so forever.  
  
After a few moments, they pulled apart, panting for breath. The sun had completely disappeared now, and the stars became visible. Carter smiled at Abby, and then pulled out another piece of paper. This one was neatly written and folded. He glanced at it, and then took Abby's hand and pointed it up towards the heavens.  
  
"See that star right there?"  
  
"Yeah. what about it?" Abby asked him, obviously confused.  
  
"It's yours." Carter whispered into her ear, grinning like crazy.  
  
Abby turned back around to face him, with a smile playing on her lips as well. Being there, in that moment, with everything she could ever want, would be a moment that could last her a lifetime and so much more. He had given her a star, and it happened to be the brightest one out that night. The star's light shone down upon them as they embraced and kissed once more on the rooftop, and then followed them as they walked away together, finally going home. 


	8. Someone's Prayer

(Part 8)  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Here it is! The final chapter! Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Your opinions meant a lot. This is dedicated to Theresa and Lyns, whom I had very good fan fiction and ER conversations with, as well as everyone who took the time out of their day to read and review and to post on their sites. The ERCA lives! *~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
ONE YEAR LATER *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
He stood there. He stood at her grave, feeling how time had washed over him. Time was like a sea; it never ended, or for that matter, seem to have ever began. It was just something always there, leaving you to wonder at its mystery and how it kept on existing while life perishes into unfathomable nothingness. So he just stood there, merely existing.  
  
All his life, he was surrounded by suffering. His parents were never around, and if they were, it was constant arguing. At times it even turned violent, which was something Bobby and him kept as one of many secrets. After Bobby became ill, all hell broke loose. He was certain that that was as worse as it could ever get, yet life never asked what he wanted. So once again suffering entered his life.  
  
The stabbing happened so unexpectedly. It was a holiday after all. Everyone in the ER was enjoying themselves at the party, dancing and laughing and having a good time. Who could ever have thought that that would be the day a life was unfairly taken away, and another one forever scorned. He blamed himself for Lucy's death, and just needed a sense of peace. If only he had gotten to her in time. If only.  
  
He succumbed to addictions. His depression became out of control, and he didn't know what else to do. He needed to escape the memories, the never- ending pain in his heart, and his life. And he did so, yet it didn't last. He was in denial, fooling himself into believing he was in control. Needless to say, he wasn't. The drugs and alcohol were. He was a fool. He realized that now, standing there at the grave.  
  
Somehow, despite what life handed him, something incredible appeared into his life. A light at the end of the tunnel, one could say. Her name was Abby Lockhart. No one else understood him like she did. As they became close friends, he fell in love with her. He wanted to give her the world. He finally had something to live for.  
  
Sadly, he had let petty things stand in the way of being with her. Even after Luka was no longer an issue, he refused to acknowledge it and instead rejected her and went on to have a relationship with Susan. He couldn't even imagine the pain he must have caused. She had suffering of her own. There was no doubt he blamed himself for her illness. After all, he was the one who made her feel that there was no friendship anymore. No wonder she didn't tell him. Maybe if he had been there for her when she needed him the most, none of this would have ever happened. Yet a part of him, no matter how small, knows there was nothing anyone could have done differently.  
  
Just as suddenly they had come, the memories were gone. leaving him still standing at her grave. He felt better for some reason; as if in evaluating his past, he somehow put it to peace as well. A light touch on his arm startled him, and he turned to see who it was. There, standing alongside the grave with him, was his wife Abby. He gently smiled at her, remembering the lovely wedding reception and the beautiful baby boy they had conceived together. Johnathon Truman Carter, IV lay resting in her arms peacefully. It had been a long and difficult road the past year, but together they were overcoming it. Yet knowing that there was a chance she wouldn't make it had made them both realize how much they really meant to one another. Now the cancer was in remission, and all was going well.  
  
As Abby kneeled down to place a bouquet of flowers at the grave, she glanced at the tombstone. It read: Lucille Knight Among the Angels  
  
Abby put her arm around John's back consolingly and smiled. "What are you doing?"  
  
John smiled back at her and lightly kissed her on the cheek. "Just saying goodbye to an old friend."  
  
As they walked out of the cemetery together, they both had the sense of peace they have wanted for so long. "Just saying goodbye to an old friend."  
  
THE END 


End file.
